Hope.

My heart throbs and aches at every scene on the TV, at every tweet of arrogance, at every hardened word. 

I have no full opinion on the matter of yesterday's Ferguson situation, nor on the political status of America, all I know is that it astounds me to see so many people aching over the "injustice of government" or "lack of tolerance" or " arrogant discrimination." Aching to the point of burning down flags, burning down businesses and rioting till dawn.

Where is God during all this crap? 

Where is God when we are crying, aching, angry? 

Where is God when injustice seems to be the only constant in our lives?

Not only with social issues such as discrimination, but in our own lives. 

Can I trust a God who seems to be so distant from my every day occurrences? 

Can I trust a God who seems to let so much war and hunger happen, who allows me to go through betrayal and heartbreak? 

God, can I trust You?

"No one whose hope is in me will ever be put to shame." (Isaiah 45:43)

Really? So what about everything that is going on? If this nation claimed "in God we trust", why are You allowing so much to happen? 

"No one whose hope is in me will ever be put to shame." 

If I believe in You and believe Your word, why am I still going through hard things? 

"No one whose hope is in me will ever be put to shame." 

...

No one whose hope is in Him will ever be put to shame. 

I wish I had answers to all the hard things that happen. I wish I knew why you've been through so much, why I have gone through difficult times, why we feel lost or afraid, why pain seems to go on forever, why injustice seems to be the only constant.

But in times like these, all I can really do is place my hope in Him, even through my doubts. 

And all I can really tell you is that as hard as it is to place our trust in Him, I promise you His promises are true. 

 Place your hope in Him, and even through the hard times, He won't put you to shame. 

"And we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, 

and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us." (Romans 4:4-5) 

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Knowing was everything.

I used to think knowing was everything. Knowing would open up ways to understanding and this world would cause me to better judge where I'm going. 

Once a door was forced upon by my firm and stubborn hands, I'd continue my walk, though with flaky attempts at walking the path.

I'd yell at whoever was crossing my narrow walk and grit my teeth for yet another delay. My knowing of where to be and how to get there did not allow for any spontaneity or intrusions. 

I am who I am and this is the path I'm firmly trekking on.

But I've come to realize that half of the things I had concluded on life have changed, and the other half was a complete misconception. 

 Doors are not meant to be forced open, and moments of beauty were never meant to be intentionally made. 

Perhaps I should start placing a foot on water, and let go of all attempt to schedule for how long and in which way. 

Because one of my greatest misconceptions about life is that I am in control of it, and another misconception is that beautiful things spring from what I make of it. 

Truth is, beauty lies beneath the messing up, the humbling of a heart, the shaking of hands..Beauty lies beneath the waiting, beneath the not knowing of what tomorrow's walk will be. 

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